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Diary of a Ruh Girl

...otherwise known as the rantings of a horse-riding, ballet-dancing nerd!

de Ruh
2 February
External Services:
  • de_ruh@livejournal.com
Hello, hello! I am a Canadian university student who spends her spare time reading, writing, programming, dancing, riding horses, and working out at the gym. I'm am a life-long horse freak who has been in the saddle since I could sit up (literally!). I have a wide ranging taste in music, and will happily listen to everything from 1900s Scandinavian polkas on the accordion to the Backstreet Boys, to Reba McEntire, to the Black Eyed Peas, and just about everything in between. I am not ashamed to admit that I have been a Backstreet Boys and New Kids fan since the very early 90s, and that yes, I did attend their tour in 2011! Fair warning: don't be surprised if "what I'm listing to" in my posts is often something NKOTBSB-related. Aside from the kings of 1980s and 1990s Boy Band culture, my favourite artists include the Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox Twenty, OK Go, Brad Paisley, Reba McEntire, Lonestar, the Black Eyed Peas, Eminem, Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, and The Beatles.

I'm an avid reader, and will read pretty much anything, but my favourites tend to fall into the Science Fiction & Fantasy category. My favourite authors, in no particular order, are Robert J. Sawyer, Patrick Rothfuss, George R. R. Martin, Kristen Britain, Mercedes Lackey, Gregory McGuire, Urlsula K. Le Guin, Dick Francis and Charles Todd.

My favourite television shows are House, Criminal Minds, Star Trek (all), CSI (all), Myth Busters, Canada's Worst Driver, Canada's Worst Handyman, The Mentalist, Ghost Whisperer, Bones and Medium.

I have been riding, as mentioned above, all my life. Mostly what I do falls into the leisure riding category, though one of my life goals is to ride competitively, likely in dressage or show jumping, though I would love to try eventing if I can. One of my dreams, which I am determined to see through, is to train a horse for liberty riding, much like the displays seen in shows like Cavalia. My favourite breed? Well, I suppose it depends on the day. On one hand, I absolutely adore the American Quarter Horse, and would be very happy to own a QH, Appendix-QH or Quarab. On the other hand, I'm absolutely in awe of the unique beauty of the baroque breeds, and would be overjoyed to own a Friesian or Andalusian -even a crossbred one! I suppose that means my favourite breed is the Azteca D.

I have been dancing since I was five years old. At that age, I started Norwegian Folk Dancing, which is a family tradition on both sides. I did that through to high school graduation at 18. Before folk dancing, I was involved in gymnastics and ballet at the pre-school level, but unfortunately didn't continue when the gym I was at closed down without warning. Now, as an adult, I've returned to ballet and am working my way through the Royal Academy of Dance (Canada) curriculum. I started at age 22 and made it to a grade 4 level by the end of a single school year. Now, at 23, I'm preparing to take my grade 6 exam next July (2012).

Alright, now here's where things get more serious. I will not be disclosing my real name or links to any of my websites or other works on my Live Journal account. If you do actually know me, hello and welcome! -but please don't blow my cover. Call me Ruh. I'm not usually the type of person who hides behind a screen name, but I want to feel free to speak my mind without concerning those who love me or giving too much information to those who aren't as close. I have been battling post traumatic stress disorder for as long as I can remember, and do often experience periods of depression. Independent of these periods (though often occurring at the same time) I also struggle with self harm. I have never been suicidal, nor have I ever attempted to cause myself serious harm, but I have found that the best way not to scare my loved ones and invite unwanted attention from more distant acquaintances is not to let them know. Thus, I need outlets like this where, if my thoughts drift to things more dark and scary, it's okay. That being said, this journal is not meant to be my anonymous pitty part. I will be using it as a normal journal. This is just a disclaimer.

For readers who want to get to know me, and/or who want to discuss my struggles, you are welcome to message me and ask. I don't mind participating in research surveys or just answering questions for curious individuals, and I definitely don't mind helping others in similar situations.

To that end, I'll say this of my PTSD and its causes: My father abused me for 15 years in just about every way a man can abuse a child/teen, including physical violence, verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, and rape. Then he dropped off the map. A past psychology professor of mine who also works for the government assessing dangerous offenders agrees with my when I say that my father would likely be diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is often what "sociopaths" are. I could go into much more detail, but it wouldn't be appropriate content for underage readers or for those browsing from a work place.